1962- The Kremlin, Moscow-"He fled his native no goodnik country of America in 1953 out of fear his communist beliefs would make him a hated and feared citizen." Soviet Premier Kruschev spoke at a podium in front of a crowd of soviet dignitaries crowding a large banquet hall. He continued, "And since the day he has fought the good fight in confronting any capitalistic pig dog that would have the utter stupidity to get in his way. Who can forget when his plot to have Snack Captain, captialism's champion, blacklisted in his own country almost succedded? He fought komrade Sanack Captain to a stand still many times since, leaving the occasional scar. In recent years, however, he has done more to bolster our plight. Chief architect for the sputnik launch, (applause) helping to put the first man in space before those cowardly Americans, (applause) He designed the wall in Berlin last year to keep the brainwashing westerners out.(applause) And at this moment, his plan to place missiles in Cuba is being implemented. (roaring applause) It is with great honor that I present our country's highest honor, the Order of Lenin, in appreciation for his genius and efforts for the communist cause to Doktor Seamus Von Pepski!"|
With roaring applause, he got up out of his seat. Clad in head to toe leather, shoulder pads making him look that much more, and wearing a hat fitting of a commadant, a smug, slightly husky man approached the podium.A smirk shown through his trimmed goatee as he was presented yet another medal to go with the others encompassing his upper left chest. Cries of "speech" were heard throughout the crowd. Obliging, he took the podium, standing there like a man in full control of...well, the universe. "Thank you Premier Kruschev for the highest honor anyone could hope for. Tonight is not about one man, it's about an ideal: A utopian society we're fighting for everyday. No, it's not about me, it's about the motherland, Mother Russia and her warm welcoming arms. I'm just one part of a great society doing what I can to enlighten the world to our cause. We are at a point where we are all but unstoppable. So it is with enormous pride that I tell you the governemnt has asked me to volunteer for a possible world changing experiment. I will commit my body to science and be frozen in suspended animation for thirty years." With this, the crowd gasped in unison, several diginitaries choked on their caviar. Flash bulbs pooped. "I do this so that I may see where the state is going and relate to the future world where we've been, and offer my services to a future world to make it's communist society that much better. Tomorrow, as I am perfectly preserved for the next few generations, know my heart will be here, the apex of our soviet empire. Thank you." He left the podium, escorted by soviet military personal out the right side of the stage to thunderous applause. He regretted that this would be the last time for many, many years this owuld be the last time he would be seen in public, the last time he would be in the banquet hall, the last time he would be in the Kremlin, but he knew what he was doing the right thing. Before going to sleep that night, he confirmed that his wishes were kept: his entire life savings were to be invested in Pepsi co. He slept peacefully that night undisturbed. He awkoe the next morning in a secret military facility, surrounded by the greatest scientific minds in all of Russia...well, besides himself of course. At 0900 hours, he entered a cryogenic pod, a cylinder no bigger than an average refrigerator. His uniform, concealed in a storage unit on the bottom of the appliance. He has naked to the world, awaiting a rebirth in a world that would surely be an all encompassing, all loving communist state...there was no reason to think otherwise as the machine was activiated and his body was instantaneously frozen at 0 degrees kelvin. Frozen for a new, better world.